Parenting with Purpose: How Your Daily Choices Shape Who Your Child Becomes

Part 1 Parenting: A Role That Shapes the Future

Parenting is far more than feeding and caring for a child. Research shows that the way a parent speaks, reacts, teaches, and responds to emotions directly shapes how a child’s brain develops, how they see themselves, and how they function as adults. A child’s first teachers are their parents. What they observe at home becomes the template their brain uses for relationships, self-worth, emotional control, and problem-solving later in life.

Why Parenting Skills Matter

Research shows that children feel safer and learn better when their parents are calm, loving, and consistent. When parents respond to a child’s emotions with understanding and empathy, it helps the child develop healthy emotional regulation skills.

Clear rules and boundaries also play a crucial role in reducing anxiety and improving behaviour, as they give children a sense of structure and security. Warm and respectful parenting is strongly linked to better academic performance, higher confidence, and healthier relationships. In contrast, harsh, unpredictable, or emotionally cold parenting has been shown to increase the risk of anxiety, depression, aggression, and low self-esteem later in life.

How Poor Parenting Habits Can Affect a Child

One difficult day will not harm a child, but repeated negative patterns increase risk. Research links the following behaviours to long-term emotional and behavioural problems:

• Frequent shouting or a hostile tone
• Comparing a child to siblings or other children
• Ignoring, mocking, or dismissing emotions
• Doing everything for the child instead of teaching skills
• Showing affection only when the child behaves “correctly”
• Allowing a child to act without limits because the parent feels tired, guilty, or avoids conflict

These patterns are associated with low self-worth, emotional dysregulation, and difficulty forming healthy relationships later in life.

What You Should Avoid Saying or Doing to Any Child

Research on child development highlights that certain parental reactions can cause lasting emotional harm. Parents are encouraged to avoid statements such as:

• “What is wrong with you?”
• Labels such as “lazy,” “dramatic,” “naughty,” or “stupid”
• Mocking or embarrassing the child, especially in public
• Silent treatment, emotional withdrawal, or guilt-based punishment
• Comparing them to another child
• Shaming them for crying, being afraid, or being sensitive

These responses attack the child’s identity rather than their behaviour and are strongly linked to long-term emotional harm.

Parenting Principles That Work at Any Age

Studies consistently show that children thrive when parents correct behaviour while protecting the child’s dignity and emotional safety. Addressing the emotion first and then teaching the lesson helps children feel understood and supported, which strengthens learning and trust.

Effective parents set firm boundaries without using fear, threats, or rejection, and they model the behaviour they want their children to learn, knowing that children imitate what parents do more than what they say. Consistent rules and predictable consequences provide stability, while apologising when wrong teaches accountability and respect.

Showing unconditional love even when a child makes poor choices builds emotional security and resilience. Decades of research identify this balanced, warm, and firm approach, known as authoritative parenting, as the most effective style for raising confident, emotionally healthy, and responsible children.

Punishment vs Discipline – What Research Shows

Punishment relies on fear, shame, or pain to control behaviour and focuses on making a child feel bad rather than helping them understand their actions. Although it may create short-term obedience, it does not foster genuine self-control or learning. Studies show that punishment often leads to aggression, lying, resentment, and fear-based behaviour, damaging trust and emotional safety between parent and child.

In contrast, effective discipline focuses on teaching what to do next time. It includes clear rules, explanations, and natural or logical consequences that help children understand cause and effect. This approach encourages emotional regulation, responsibility, and empathy while strengthening respect and trust within the relationship. Research consistently shows that children who are disciplined through guidance and teaching rather than punishment develop stronger decision-making skills, greater emotional control, and healthier long-term relationships.

In our next blog, we’ll unpack the different types of parenting and show how each one influences a child’s confidence, behaviour, and emotional wellbeing.

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Legal Disclaimer

The information provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute medical, psychological, legal, or professional advice. Always consult a qualified professional, such as a child psychologist, paediatrician, family therapist, or legal advisor, regarding concerns about your child’s development, behaviour, or your parenting approach. Neither TransformationWithin Coaching nor the author accepts responsibility for actions taken based on this content.

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References

• Frosch, C. A., et al. (2019). Parenting and Child Development: A Relational Health Perspective on Early Childhood. Frontiers in Psychology.
• Jeong, J., Pitchik, H., and Yousafzai, A. K. (2021). Parenting Interventions to Promote Early Child Development in Low- and Middle-Income Countries: A Comprehensive Review. PLOS Medicine.
• Dewi, R. K., and Sumarni, S. (2023). Parenting Style and Family Empowerment for Children’s Growth and Development: A Systematic Review. Journal of Public Health in Africa.
• September, S. J., Rich, E., and Roman, N. V. (2017). Association Between Knowledge of Child Development and Parenting: A Systematic Review. The Open Family Studies Journal.
• Prime, H., Wade, M., and Browne, D. T. (2023). Positive Parenting and Early Childhood Cognition: A Meta-Analysis. Child Development.