Many of us do not realize it, but the way we parent today was formed long before we ever held our own children. Our parenting often reflects the emotional environment in which we grew up. The way we were comforted or dismissed, held or ignored, corrected or criticised becomes the blueprint we unconsciously follow. Research in developmental psychology indicates that early childhood experiences have a profound impact on how we relate, respond, and regulate emotions as adults.
Part 2 – The Four Parenting Styles That Shape Your Child’s Future
⏳ Estimated reading time: 3–4 minutes
By Sylvia Poonen / November 18, 2025
“Awareness today. Wellness tomorrow. Prevention is power.”
If we were heard as children, we are more likely to listen patiently. If we were silenced or shamed, we may demand obedience without realizing it. Our tone, our words, even our reactions often come from deep emotional memories, not intention. As Dr Bessel van der Kolk explains, “The body keeps the score,” and so does the heart.
We may speak with the same tone, repeat the same phrases, or discipline in familiar ways, even if deep down we do not want to. The past echoes through us. But the beautiful truth is that those echoes do not have to define us. When we become aware of them, we gain the power to rewrite the script. To speak differently. Lead differently. Love differently. We can transform patterns that once hurt us into patterns that now heal.
One day, your children will leave your home and step into a world full of choices, beauty, challenges, and voices. The foundation you lay today becomes the inner compass they will rely on tomorrow. Even with the best intentions, we as parents can unintentionally leave emotional and psychological scars on our children. These invisible wounds shape their self-esteem, influence their behaviour and relationships, and may even ripple into their future successes or struggles in life.”
Psychologists have identified four major parenting styles. Each one sends a powerful emotional message that becomes an inner voice your child will carry for life.
Authoritative Parenting: The Balance of Love and Leadership
These parents are warm but firm. They set clear boundaries and explain the reasons behind them. They listen. They guide. Their “no” is firm, but their love is even stronger. Research consistently shows that children raised this way develop confidence, emotional regulation, and resilience. They grow up knowing, “You matter and I believe in you.”
Authoritarian Parenting: Obedience Without Safety
These parents enforce strict rules without warmth or explanation. They believe control creates good behaviour. Children raised under this style often comply but struggle with self-expression and self-worth. They are more likely to develop anxiety, fear-based perfectionism, and emotional suppression. The message they internalize is, “You are only acceptable when you obey.”
Permissive Parenting: Love Without Limits
These parents love deeply but are reluctant to set boundaries. They act more like a friend than a parent, with the desire to be liked or accepted by the child, and may hesitate to set boundaries because they fear upsetting their child.
Children raised with permissiveness often struggle with self-control, boundaries, and respect for authority. Research shows they are more likely to act impulsively and find consequences surprising. They are cared for, but not guided. Loved, but not led.
Uninvolved Parenting: The Silent Wound
These parents are emotionally distant, overwhelmed, or preoccupied. They may be physically present but emotionally unavailable. Chronic emotional neglect has been shown through neuroscience to change a child’s stress response system and emotional development. These children often experience deep insecurity, difficulty trusting, and a sense of invisibility. The silent message they hear is, “I am not important.”
Why This Matters So Deeply?
Children may forget the toys you bought or the punishments you gave, but they will never forget the tone of your voice when they made a mistake. They will always remember how safe they felt when they ran into your arms. They will remember whether your love felt conditional or secure.
None of us is the perfect parent. We all carry patterns from our own childhoods. But with awareness and compassion, you can choose to parent from a place of love rather than fear. You can discipline with guidance rather than blame. You can model healing even if you were once hurt.
Remember: You are not just raising children. You are raising future adults who will lead, love, and parent others. Developmental psychology confirms a ripple effect across generations. A child raised with secure attachment, emotional intelligence, and healthy boundaries is more likely to raise their children with the same skills and values.
Every day, in the small moments, you have the power to shape the voice that will live inside your child’s heart long after they leave your home.
Will your voice become a source of shame or a sanctuary of strength?
Will your child believe their worth is based on performance, or on being deeply loved and accepted?
It is never too late to change your parenting style and rewrite your child’s future.
References
- Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books. Seminal work on attachment theory and how secure attachment lays the foundation for emotional and relational development.
- Ainsworth, M. D. S. (1979). Patterns of Attachment: A Psychological Study of the Strange Situation. Lawrence Erlbaum. A foundational study identifying maternal sensitivity and child attachment patterns.
- Baumrind, D. (1991). The Influence of Parenting Style on Adolescent Competence and Substance Use. Journal of Early Adolescence, 11(1), 56–95. Introduced the four main parenting styles: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and uninvolved.
- Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. Guilford Press. Explores how secure parent-child relationships shape the growing brain.
- Narvaez, D., Wang, L., & Cheng, A. (2016). Intergenerational Continuity in Parenting and Early Child Development. Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology, 34(2), 110–121.
Research showing how parenting patterns pass across generations. - Perry, B. D., & Szalavitz, M. (2006). The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist’s Notebook. Basic Books.
Explains how early relational trauma and neglect affect the developing brain. - Perry, B. D., & Dobson, C. L. (2021). What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. Flatiron Books.
Highlights how early experiences shape adult behavior and emotional health. - Schore, A. N. (2001). Effects of a Secure Attachment Relationship on Right Brain Development, Affective Regulation, and Infant Mental Health. Infant Mental Health Journal, 22(1–2), 7–66.
Shows how secure attachment supports brain development and emotional regulation. - National Institutes of Health (NIH). (2020). Parenting and Child Well-Being.
Scientific insights into how parenting behaviors affect child health outcomes. - Harvard University Center on the Developing Child. (2023). The Science of Early Childhood Development.
Explores how early relationships and environments shape lifelong health, learning, and behavior.
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