Trauma
Countless individuals live with anxiety, exhaustion, emotional numbness, or self-sabotaging patterns such as people-pleasing and procrastination, unaware that these may be the body’s way of coping with unresolved experiences from the past.
Scientific research confirms that trauma is frequently unrecognized because it does not always fit the traditional image of catastrophic events like war or violence. In reality, trauma occurs whenever an experience exceeds the nervous system’s ability to manage stress or maintain a sense of safety, no matter how ordinary it may seem to others.
What Is Trauma?
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), trauma is defined as an emotional response to a deeply distressing or disturbing event that overwhelms one’s ability to cope. Their Dictionary of Psychology further describes trauma as any disturbing experience that results in significant fear, helplessness, confusion, or other disruptive emotions that continue long after the event has passed. [2]
Bessel van der Kolk, one of the leading trauma researchers, describes it simply: “Trauma is not the story of something that happened back then. It is the residue that lives on inside you.”
Trauma literally rewires the brain. It keeps the amygdala, which is the part of the brain that senses threat, on high alert. It disrupts the hippocampus, which helps you think clearly and remember. It also quiets the prefrontal cortex, which guides calm reasoning and self-control.
Chronic stress and unresolved trauma can heighten inflammation, raise blood pressure, disrupt hormone balance, and increase vulnerability to anxiety and depression. In essence, trauma reshapes both the mind and the body.
The Different Faces of Trauma
Trauma does not appear the same in every person because each experience is unique. Experts classify trauma into several main types to help us better understand how it can manifest in different ways.
Acute trauma: A single distressing event such as an accident, assault, or loss.
Chronic trauma: Repeated exposure to distress such as ongoing abuse, neglect, or conflict.
Complex trauma: Multiple, long-term, and often relational traumas, usually beginning in childhood.
Developmental trauma: Early disruption in safety, attachment, or nurturing during childhood.
Vicarious trauma: Emotional impact that arises from witnessing or supporting others who are suffering
Research from the landmark Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (ACE Study) confirms that repeated or early trauma can alter brain development, immune function, and long-term health outcomes.
Big T and small t Trauma — The Seen and the Unseen Wounds
Trauma does not always come from major disasters. It can also build gradually through experiences like silence, criticism, or shame. Psychologists differentiate between Big T trauma, which involves major life-threatening events, and small t trauma, which includes ongoing emotional hurts. Both can influence a person’s sense of safety and ability to form healthy relationships.
Big T Trauma — The Shattering Events
These are intense or life-threatening experiences that shatter a person’s sense of safety, stability, and control. Examples include:
Witnessing violence, death, or serious injury.
Severe accidents, disasters, or near-death experiences.
Traumatic medical procedures or hospitalisations.
Physical violence or domestic abuse.
Betrayal by a spouse, teacher, mentor, or religious leader.
Sexual abuse or assault, especially by someone trusted.
Being forced to hide family secrets or protect an abuser.
Big T trauma may break a person’s senBese of safety in a single moment, yet its effects can last for many years. Research confirms that such experiences often cause intrusive memories, hypervigilance, and emotional detachment. [9]
small t Trauma — The Invisible Cuts That Accumulate
Small “t” trauma may not threaten your life, but it does threaten emotional safety, self-worth, and belonging. Examples include:
Being shamed or punished for mistakes as a child or adult.
Growing up with an emotionally detached, critical or unpredictable parent.
Carrying guilt, rejection, or constant fear of disapproval.
Repeated bullying, exclusion, or comparison to siblings or peers.
Being the target of gossip, ridicule, or public humiliation. (Public humiliation can occur even in front of just one person.)
Being made responsible for a parent’s emotions or secrets.
Living in a home where affection was conditional on achievement.
When small t becomes Big T
When smaller traumas occur repeatedly over many years, they can develop into complex trauma, also known as C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). This condition is characterised by chronic fear, emotional numbness, and hypervigilance.
Children who grow up in environments marked by constant criticism, neglect, or emotional abuse often learn to remain on high alert as a survival mechanism. The brain adapts to continuous stress by prioritising protection and safety, but this adaptation interferes with the ability to relax, trust, and form secure relationships.
Trauma should never be viewed as a sign of weakness. It represents the brain’s remarkable capacity to survive, adapt, and protect under prolonged threat.
How Trauma Shapes Who We Become
Understanding the Impact of Trauma on Children
According to the Harvard Center on the Developing Child, continuous exposure to stress hormones during childhood can alter brain architecture and heighten the risk of developing mental and physical health problems later in life.
Common effects include:
Emotional instability, fear, or anxiety
Trouble focusing or learning
Aggression, withdrawal, or regression (such as bed-wetting or clinginess)
Low self-esteem or excessive guilt
Difficulty forming secure relationships or trusting adults
Children’s brains and emotional systems are still in active stages of development, which makes them highly sensitive to stress. When fear is used as a method of control — for example, through threats such as “I’ll leave you behind” or “I’ll call the boogeyman”. The child’s brain releases elevated levels of cortisol and adrenaline. Repeated exposure to these stress hormones conditions the nervous system to associate home with danger, even in the absence of physical harm.
Over time, these early fear-based experiences can contribute to patterns of anxiety, nightmares, people-pleasing, avoidance of conflict, and difficulty trusting authority figures. Such responses reflect the brain’s adaptation to perceived threat rather than deliberate behaviour, highlighting how early relational environments shape emotional regulation and stress response throughout life.
Effects of Trauma in Adulthood
Unresolved trauma in adulthood often manifests through physical health problems, emotional instability, or ongoing difficulties in relationships. Many adults unconsciously revert to coping mechanisms developed during childhood, such as procrastination, withdrawal, or excessive sleep, because these behaviours once served as protective strategies in unstable or threatening environments. Over time, however, these learned responses can limit growth, connection, and emotional well-being if the underlying trauma remains unprocessed.
Possible Outcomes of Trauma
Trauma influences every aspect of well-being, including mental, emotional, physical, and social health. Its effects may not appear immediately but can emerge months or even years later, shaping the way a person thinks, feels, behaves, and relates to others.
Emotionally
Trauma can lead to chronic anxiety, panic attacks, fear, or emotional instability. Many survivors experience depression, emotional numbness, or emptiness after prolonged stress. Unresolved trauma can progress to Post‑Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or Complex Post‑Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), where reminders continually reactivate the body’s alarm system
Psychologically
Survivors often struggle with guilt, shame, low self-worth, or difficulty trusting others. Some overwork, overachieve, or people-please to feel safe or valued. Others withdraw socially or lose confidence in relationships.
Physically
Trauma activates stress hormones that can lead to fatigue, headaches, body pain, gut problems, and sleep disturbances. Chronic cortisol elevation increases inflammation and contributes to heart disease, autoimmune disorders, and reduced immunity. The body literally “keeps the score,” holding tension long after the conscious mind wants to move on. [7]
Behaviorally
Trauma can result in substance use, compulsive eating or spending, and self-soothing behaviours. It may also appear as anger, irritability, or emotional shutdown depending on whether a person’s nervous system tends to fight, flee, or freeze. Research from the ACE Study found that people with four or more adverse childhood experiences were four to seven times more likely to develop alcohol or drug dependence later in life. [8]
Common Traumas People Often Do Not Recognise as Trauma
Emotional Neglect in Childhood – Growing up in a home where love or affection was withheld; parents provided food and shelter but ignored emotional needs; being told “You’re too sensitive” or “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
Constant Criticism or Perfectionistic Parenting – Being told “You’re never good enough” or having achievements minimised; living with high parental expectations and fear of failure; feeling love was conditional on performance.
Chronic Rejection or Bullying – Being excluded, mocked or humiliated by peers, siblings, or teachers; being the “family scapegoat”; repeatedly being left out of social groups.
Living in an Unpredictable or Volatile Home – Growing up with shouting, silent treatment, or frequent fights; walking on eggshells, never knowing what mood a parent would be in; living with a parent who has an addiction or untreated mental illness.
Parentification (Role Reversal) – Being forced to take care of siblings or manage adult responsibilities too early; being a parent’s emotional confidant (“You’re the only one I can talk to”); feeling responsible for keeping the family calm or together.
Emotional or Psychological Abuse – Being gaslighted, blamed, or manipulated; having feelings mocked or minimised; being told you’re “crazy,” “dramatic,” or “lazy.”
Witnessing Parental Conflict or Violence – Seeing one parent hit, insult or demean the other; being forced to take sides or comfort the victim afterward. According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN), witnessing domestic violence can produce the same PTSD symptoms as being physically abused.
Silent Treatment or Emotional Withdrawal – Being ignored, excluded, or stonewalled by caregivers or partners; “love withdrawal” as punishment
Academic or Religious Pressure – Fear of disappointing teachers, coaches, or religious leaders; being shamed publicly for mistakes or failure to conform.
Medical or Surgical Trauma – Being hospitalised or undergoing invasive procedures, especially as a child; feeling helpless, restrained or ignored by medical staff.
Sudden Loss or Abandonment – Death of a loved one, divorce, breakup, or a parent leaving without explanation; repeated relocations or school changes that disrupted attachments.
Cultural, Racial or Religious Discrimination – Being mocked for identity, accent, skin-tone, or faith; feeling invisible or unsafe because of who you are.
Financial Insecurity or Childhood Poverty – Growing up not knowing if there will be food, electricity, or safety; witnessing parents’ financial stress, eviction, or debt.
Being Overlooked or Invisible – Being the “easy child” who never caused problems and therefore received little attention; constantly being told “You’re fine” or “Others have it worse.”
Trauma from Emotional Invalidation in Adulthood – Partners or friends consistently minimise feelings; workplaces where bullying, exclusion, or favouritism are ignored.
Hidden Coping Patterns and Uncommon Behaviours
Modern trauma science reminds us that not all trauma looks like pain or chaos on the surface. Sometimes, it hides behind daily habits that once made a person feel safe. Overworking, silence, or avoiding conflict. These patterns are the nervous system’s way of surviving, but in adulthood, they can prevent healing and authentic connection. Examples include:
People-pleasing or excessive niceness (the “fawn” response), where a child learns that pleasing others avoids rejection or punishment.
Chronic procrastination or indecision caused by a conditioned freeze response when action feels unsafe.
Oversleeping, fatigue, or emotional withdrawal that protects the body from overwhelm.
Spending long periods alone in bathrooms or bedrooms as a form of avoidance and self-soothing.
Over-explaining, apologising, or justifying every action due to fear of conflict or misunderstanding.
Compulsive scrolling, binge-watching or overspending to numb emotions or regain control.
Financial self-sabotage, such as underearning or giving away money, is often linked to feelings of learned helplessness and unworthiness.
Irregular eating patterns or digestive issues that reflect emotional dysregulation
Hyper-productivity or over-scheduling as a way to avoid stillness where old pain might surface.
Fear of calm or rest because peace feels unsafe after years of hyper-arousal.
Perfectionism and harsh self-criticism are often rooted in experiences of conditional love and early rejection.
Over-talking or controlling the environment to create an illusion of safety.
Emotional detachment or numbness is a protective form of dissociation.
Staying awake late at night because the body remembers it was safest when others slept.
Over-analysing or zoning out due to hyper-vigilance and cognitive over-control.
Research in polyvagal theory by Stephen Porges and Deb Dana explains that the traumatised nervous system often misinterprets calmness as danger. Healing requires retraining the body to recognise safety again. [12]
Science-backed strategies
Science-backed strategies trauma survivors can use at home to begin healing, retrain their nervous system, and restore emotional safety. Each is based on current neuroscience, psychology, and somatic research.
Regulate the Nervous System through Breathwork
Why it works: Slow, rhythmic breathing activates the vagus nerve, shifting the body from fight-or-flight into calm (parasympathetic) mode.
Practice box breathing — inhale for 4 seconds, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4. Repeat for 5 minutes twice a day. Studies show it lowers cortisol, and heart rate variability improves within weeks.
Practice Grounding to Anchor in the Present
Why it works: Trauma often keeps the brain replaying the past. Grounding helps restore orientation to the here-and-now.
Use the 5-4-3-2-1 method — name 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste. This re-engages the prefrontal cortex and calms overactivation of the amygdala.
Engage in Gentle Body Movement
Why it works: Physical activity helps release trapped stress hormones. Yoga, tai chi, or slow walking regulates the stress-response system.
Evidence: Harvard Health and the Trauma Center at Boston University found that trauma-sensitive yoga improves body awareness and reduces PTSD symptoms.
Express Emotions through Journaling
Why it works: Writing accesses the language centers of the brain and helps integrate emotional and rational processing.
Spend 15 minutes daily writing about what you felt, not just what happened. Research by Dr. James Pennebaker shows expressive writing improves immune function and emotional well-being.
Use Bilateral Stimulation (Self-EMDR Techniques)
Why it works: Gentle alternating eye movements, sounds, or tapping stimulate both hemispheres of the brain, helping reprocess distressing memories.
Tap your left and right knees alternately while thinking of a safe image. Studies on EMDR show bilateral stimulation reduces trauma intensity and anxiety.
Practice Body Scanning and Somatic Awareness
Why it works: Trauma often disconnects people from their body sensations. Mindful scanning restores interoception and safety.
Lie down, close your eyes, and bring awareness slowly from head to toe. Notice tension, warmth, or numbness without judgment. This activates the insula cortex, which supports emotional regulation.
Cultivate Safe Daily Rituals
Why it works: Predictability reassures the traumatized brain that the environment is safe.
Create consistent morning and bedtime routines — light a candle, make tea, pray, or stretch. Studies in trauma psychology show structured routines reduce hypervigilance and improve sleep quality.
Reframe Inner Dialogue
Why it works: Negative self-talk keeps the stress circuit active. Cognitive reframing rebuilds neural pathways toward safety and self-compassion.
When you catch harsh inner words (“I’m weak”), replace them with truthful compassion (“I survived; I am healing”). CBT-based studies confirm that reframing reduces depressive rumination.
Activate Creative Expression
Why it works: Art, music, and dance engage non-verbal parts of the brain that store trauma memories.
Paint, play music, hum, or move freely to a song. Research from the American Art Therapy Association shows that creative activity lowers stress hormones and enhances mood regulation.
Build Micro-Connections and Social Safety
Why it works: Human connection signals safety to the vagus nerve and helps re-establish trust.
Smile at a neighbour, talk to a friend, or join an online support group. The Harvard Study of Adult Development found that nurturing relationships are one of the strongest predictors of recovery and long-term health after trauma.
WAYS TRANSFORMATION
WITHIN COACHING
CAN HELP
Restoring Understanding and Awareness
We begin by helping clients understand what trauma does to the brain and body. This education brings relief and replaces self-blame with clarity.
Re-anchoring in the Present
We teach grounding and awareness practices that train the brain to return to the “here and now.” Clients learn to use sensory focus and breathing to re-stabilise when anxiety or intrusive memories arise. These moments of calm re-educate the nervous system to distinguish between real and remembered danger.
Mindfulness and Present-Moment Awareness
Guided mindfulness practices train the prefrontal cortex to stay calm under stress.
Regulating Breath and Physiology
Breathwork techniques are tailored to balance the body’s stress hormones.
Reconnecting with the Body
Trauma often disconnects people from physical sensations. Gentle somatic awareness and guided movement restore communication between mind and body, releasing the tension that has been silently held for years.
Healing the Inner Child
Unresolved childhood wounds are approached with empathy and care. Inner-child exercises allow clients to reconnect with the parts of themselves that still need protection, understanding, and reassurance.
Reframing Thoughts and Beliefs
Trauma changes the inner dialogue. Many survivors carry beliefs such as “I’m not safe” or “It was my fault.” Through cognitive and reflective coaching, these patterns are examined, softened, and replaced with more accurate and compassionate truths that strengthen emotional regulation.
Processing the Story
Writing and reflective dialogue are used to transform fragmented memories into a cohesive personal narrative.
Rebuilding Safe Connection
Trust is often one of the first casualties of trauma. Through relational coaching, clients experience what safe communication and boundary-setting feel like, rebuilding confidence in their ability to connect without fear.
Creative and Expressive Processing
Creative outlets activate different brain pathways that promote integration and release.
Body and Mind Relaxation
Progressive relaxation exercises and gentle bodywork teach the muscles that it is safe to let go.
Restoring a Sense of Control
Every completed step reinforces the belief, “I can make safe changes.”
Activating Calm Through the Vagus Nerve
Techniques that train the nervous system to move from alertness to ease.
Cultivating Self-Compassion
Research shows that self-kindness reduces shame and supports long-term healing. Clients are guided to speak to themselves with warmth, replacing self-criticism with understanding.
Supporting the Body’s Recovery
Clients are guided to create personalised daily rhythms that promote safety, balance, and vitality.
Closing Message
Healing from trauma is not linear, and it is not about erasing memories. It is about helping the mind and body recognise that the danger has passed, allowing peace, trust, and strength to take root again. At Transformationwithin Coaching, every strategy, exercise, and reflection is guided by one principle — to help you grow.